Chapter 5: Aloha

Harry and I were married at sunset on April 26, 2006, in Honolulu, Hawaii. I wore a flapper-style white dress (yes, I did wear white again!), Harry wore a baby blue linen button-down and white linen pants, and we were barefoot. Our vows ended with "No matter what."

I admit that the writing of this chapter took a bit of pondering. Romanticizing lost loves is common, lest we not forget the flip side of why we left! Harry was the love of my life, as I knew it then. Our vows also included the traditional "Till death do us part". However, if I had honored that vow, Harry, the very man that shared that vow, could have given me my final breath. Thankfully, he only left me with a heart that felt like a valve was damaged beyond repair. And a neck and spine that were mostly repairable. I won't stray from the topic at hand.

We both loved to travel, and I think that was one of the things that held us together for so many years. We had traveled and explored six continents together; Antarctica was not on our list. While we dated, we had the bonus of my having incredible flight benefits. After we married, he had acquired thousands of airline miles and status due to his international career (including flights for me to our home in France five times a year provided in his employment contract). So, it made sense to us that when we married, I would no longer continue to work as a flight attendant as it wasn't conducive to a successful marriage due to the increase in his global work-related travel. And after 9/11 and two furloughs- my benefits, schedule, income, and insurance had also plummeted, so I handed in my resignation just after we were legally wed.

While planning our upcoming wedding, we imagined an intimate outdoor destination event to include our closest friends and family. We had family members in IL and MI, and I had friends around the country, so we considered potential destinations- Mexico, Charlevoix or Saugatuck, MI and one venue near us- Ravinia in Highland Park, IL. As we continued our research, a few factors came into play. One point was that we felt it assumptive that others would want to travel (and the expense) for his second and my fourth marriage. Secondly, it would be costly to provide a weekend of events for a growing guest list, as weddings often do. So, Voila! Harry had an upcoming business conference in Hawaii where my nephew, his wife, and son lived and could be our attendants. A bonus was that Harry's company, in essence, would be paying for our trip! It was probably the least romantic event we had ever planned. Yet, it was the most important event of our new life together without those we felt closest to, including my kids.

We settled on a simple catamaran venue, mirroring our engagement and love for boating and the outdoors. Other than his direct bosses and their wives who would attend, we agreed to invite some of his co-workers based on whom we felt connected. The Captain was a jolly guy wearing a captain's cap, an ordained minister, and handled all necessary legal paperwork. I planned for Harry and me to wear leis, and we presented leis to our guests upon arrival. We served a simple aperitif sushi buffet after our nuptials. I also arranged a surprise for Harry- roses to be thrown upon our marital bed in anticipation of our return as "Mr. and "Mrs.". (Only the box filled with petals was left. Epic fail. Foreshadowing again?!)

Afterward, we officially dined and continued the celebration with a couple of his co-workers, whom we both enjoyed. Unfortunately, I felt I would fall asleep face first in my soup, so we quickly exited. While Harry was working the final half day of the conference, I was so busy getting ready for our big day that all I stopped to do was to eat a few french fries by the pool and reflect momentarily on my upcoming nuptials. I am pretty sure they were cross-fried and laced with gluten, which I am severely allergic to.

Earlier that morning, while we had coffee and room service breakfast served on the balcony, I was pleasantly surprised when Harry presented me with a beautiful diamond necklace in the shape of a circle as a wedding gift. I hadn't a clue we were participating in this newer tradition. So, I did what any last-minute bride would do. I walked in every shop downtown looking for a Mont Blanc pen as my gift so he could sign future contracts in style. I was successful in finding one but had no idea the cost, so I unhappily didn't purchase it. (We did eventually visit the actual Mont Blanc, however!) In the end, he was happy I didn't spend the money. And looking forward, I am reasonably confident that my divorcing him was the best gift I could offer.

Officially as husband and wife, we took an island hopper flight to Kauai from Honolulu for a mini honeymoon. Not only was it a stunningly lush island, with the gentle sound of waves lulling us to sleep at night, but we also enjoyed each other's company to the fullest. From a different perspective, it's interesting that I would even consider that I don't recall one excruciating moment of this romantic getaway as a success.

A few months later, we took our official honeymoon to Italy- Rome, Positano, and Capri. For the most part, it was dreamy in every way imaginable. While in Rome, hand in hand, we meandered the city taking in the many historical sites and stopping for a vino and charcuterie platter or gelato along the way. We would stay out until just before the sun would come up, dancing and strolling through piazzas or stopping to embrace the tradition of the elder Italian men playing cards into the wee hours of the night. It didn't matter that we spilled Brunello or Chianti all over my new white jeans. Nothing seemed to matter other than our passion and the taking of the jeans off that would follow.

The grotto in Capri proved to be the blue beauty often written about in travel guides. Unfortunately, I'm confident that his insistence on jumping into the clear azure water while we were in the cave, even though the boat captain told him it wasn't allowed, was viewed as "rude American" behavior. "Maleducato Americano!"

Positano- he crashed a Moped while taking it for a test drive, thankfully before I hopped on! I felt a sense of relief that he was physically okay from his fall in one of Italy's frantic roundabouts, but I also felt deceived when I discovered he had lied to me about the cost of the damages. Within one hour of his telling me that they would need to follow us to our hotel to collect the damages in cash, approx. $300, Harry ran up to our room, and the agent told me he was to collect $700! It still seems strange that Harry needed to lie about something trivial; after all, Harry was not hurt, which seemed the most important thing. Good thing I didn't buy that pen!

Then there was the hilarity of the safety pull in the hotel shower. I learned it is customary for European hotels to have this feature in the bath in case one of their guests should become hurt while taking a shower. We laughed for years about what occurred in our shower. Unbeknownst to us, we showered together (to conserve water, lol) and accidentally pulled the emergency cord! When guest services knocked on our door, Harry, wet and in a towel, had fun explaining to them!

Key takeaways...

Best to always wear my life vest in marriage. And "No matter what" means- "Till death, I do part."