Chapter 6: Ciao Bella
After Harry and I wed and my stint as a flight attendant officially ended, I continued working for a city boutique. It was then that Harry suggested we open a boutique of our own. He told me, "Why make money for someone else when you can make it for us?" With this sentiment in mind, I gladly pass on to other hopeful boutique owners the words of wisdom that someone had shared with me after we had opened, "Don't open a boutique or go into the fashion industry for the money. Do it because you love it." That couldn't be more true. Don't confuse working in retail with "retail therapy"!
Our concept was based on men's and women's clothing that one could easily mix and match- day to night wear and perfect for travel. We found an empty storefront in our neighborhood, and we named it Ciao Bella. We began construction immediately and searched for the perfect vintage pieces for the interior decor and displays. My assistant manager and I had a blast traveling to conventions in NY and Vegas to find a vast array of clothing. Harry at the financial helm, we would check in with him with updated totals of the purchases, and we were thrilled when he would encourage us to buy more. Now, this was fun!
Harry's friend, whom I will call "Carlos", or as I referred to him, "Make it so guy", headed up the construction project, and thankfully, Carlos and I worked reasonably well together. We would muse on how to refurbish old doors or window panes to create hanging displays with faux finishes, paint the walls to imitate a European feel, build a cement-topped register-bagging counter, and so on. Harry, Carlos, our assistant manager, and I spent much time together and mostly enjoyed the new adventure.
We also quickly added a new employee- my adorable dog Vino, a Maltipoo just three months old, who would continue to spend every day at the shop with me as the "shop dog". During our opening preparations, my sister and closest sibling at the time, Laurie- her Leukemia had returned with a vengeance, and she was losing her fight with the horrible disease. One early evening, Harry and I were driving back from visiting her at the hospital, and I strangely asked him to pull over at our local pet shop. Within 15 minutes of closing time, I fell in love with this adorable white fluff ball! But, Harry suggested I first do a little research about the breed of dog, and if I found I still wanted him, I could get him another day. That "day" was the next morning when I called my assistant manager and asked her to go with me to pick him up. My birthday was approaching quickly, so I decided he was to be my gift. The BEST and most joyous birthday gift I have ever received!
I remember I would tell Laurie stories about my new little friend; sometimes, she could see him from afar when I would visit as he couldn't go near her in case he accidentally scratched her. She often confused his name with "mi piaci", which means "I like you" in Italian because I would share some of the new Italian words I was learning in anticipation of my upcoming honeymoon. After her passing a few months later, Vino would spontaneously run circles around the shop or our home. I used to exclaim joyfully, "Where's Auntie Laurie? Go find Auntie Laurie!" This random exercise went on for years. He had so much fun running around for five to ten minutes until he would collapse in exhaustion. Sixteen years later- Vino is my best friend and still loves to run around playing hide and seek; it's just a lot shorter in duration now, and he no longer chases ghosts.
Carlos also played a significant role in Vino's life. He became a type of "paid assistant" for us throughout most of Harry's and my marriage. Although we shared thunderous laughter, travels, friendships and shared activities, he sometimes became an unwelcomed interruption. Carlos became a "third" in our marriage. We could blame ignorance, but the truth is that he became a convenience with benefits that suited us all for a while.
Carlos was accommodating; at times, too much so. During most of our marriage, Carlos did not rent an apartment; he would stay at various homes- housesitting, pet sitting, and working as a handyman- the bulk of it for Harry and me. On the one hand, we felt grateful to have such a helpful friend and assistant along the way. Conversely, we agreed that we found ourselves with sparse, much-needed alone time together, especially when we had moments of marital discord. Between Harry's constant work travels and Carlos traveling for weeks to stay with us in our France home to help with home projects or babysit Vino, it became a bit of a strain on an already strained marriage. The stress compounded when Carlos often pushed buttons or tried to instigate an issue between Harry and me through sarcasm. Carlos also stayed with me in the guest room of our Chicago home from time to time, helping with technology annoyances or fixing things in the house; it was a convenient remedy for us all. He became like a second husband for me (not sexually!), as my literal husband was often absent. Harry and I would discuss changing this unhealthy negative influence on our marriage in our final years together, but no action was taken.
Due to the "family-like" relationship between us three- sharing conversations and confidentialities, Carlos joining us for family holiday celebrations, our private sharing of information with Carlos rather than each other, Harry's and my marriage became even more unhealthy. I was if I was spending more time with Carlos than with my husband. Yet, Harry held the purse strings and ultimately all decisions. I'm unsure if he sincerely wanted to help Carlos out or if he found him a convenient replacement for what he could not be present for in our marriage. Including emotionally. Additionally, I am sadly confident that Harry saw Carlos even more helpful as a pawn during our final year together. Another flying monkey by his side as Harry attempted to prove he was the sane husband, businessman, and sole provider vs. his "crazy" wife when I would react to his gaslighting, deceptions, and abuse.
I recall the final moment I saw Carlos. Just days prior, Harry had been physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to me (not the first time). "The straw that broke the camel's back," and when I began consciously accepting that I needed to end my marriage. Carlos was staying in our french home with my dog while I was on a previously planned trip to Greece for Harry and me. Harry didn't join me; instead took a holiday in Spain. Although Carlos knew what had occurred, I didn't see him before leaving for Greece. It was a surreal time for me in Greece as if I had an out-of-body experience, still in shock of the numerous bruises from Harry. I remember I had asked Carlos for a picture of my dog while watching him, and it took countless sarcastic texts from him before he would share the pic. He picked me up from the airport upon my return, and Harry would join us for dinner- the three of us at "home sweet home". As you can imagine, it was highly uncomfortable.
Harry and I had decided that neither of us would file for divorce before November, waiting two months due to an upcoming wedding of our dear friends in France, which we were to attend together. As well as our holding hope we could fix our tragic toxic marriage. During this time, of course, more promises were made and broken. One promise- that neither of us would file. However, we both spoke at length with attorneys, unbeknownst to either of us. And, I no longer remained silent regarding my perpetrator.
Carlos stayed on for another week or two due to the upcoming visit of Harry and Carlos' friends. Thankfully, I had the good sense to squelch all of the friends staying with us during this tumultuous time. Carlos, Harry, and I attempted normalcy. We made an effort to pretend everything was okay- playing games, taking outings, cooking- while Harry and I walked on eggshells and privately vied for Carlos' empathy, support, and friendship. It was lousy for Harry and me to put this upon Carlos; none of our nearby friends or neighbors knew what to do or how to support us at this point. Just "smile" and hope for the best.
During this time, Harry and I had our final disagreement in front of Carlos. A concoction filled with torment, anger, shame, blame, judgment, hurt, fear, and sadness had been building between us for weeks. After our short argument, I walked out of the house and into the garden, where Carlos was, and Harry shortly followed. What later became clear to me was that this go-around, Harry, was trying to set me up by prodding me to do something to him in front of Carlos as he positioned himself just inches from my face in intimidation while screaming at me. In fact, he was so close to my face that my choice of action to diffuse the situation was to lick his nose. With that, rather than deescalating the problem, it exasperated it. Harry began yelling that I had now physically abused and assaulted him. A few moments later-he literally started jumping up and down while screaming. Carlos and Harry decided to leave for a few days, packing their bags together while Harry and I continued arguing. A few minutes later, I calmly asked Harry to converse with me (without Carlos!), but he refused unless Carlos was present, so upon my decline, they left, forgetting Carlos' wooden cigar box. I placed it in the outside foyer area and was reprimanded by him for touching it when he returned to pick it up. Ultimately, I realized they left for the greater good of all concerned. It felt crazy; it still feels crazy and painfully unfortunate.
Soon after, Carlos told me to delete his information and end any further communication, which I gladly and immediately obliged. I thought it interesting when later that day, Carlos texted me to send him money in reimbursement for his flight back to the USA, as we were paying for his flights from our joint account as always, in exchange for watching my dog while we were traveling. My reply "As you know, Harry handles our finances, and you are with him, so you will need to ask him. Do not contact me any longer, per your request.". I've never spoken, texted, or seen Carlos again. Ciao Bello!
I mourned the loss of this tainted friendship for a limited time, mostly finding it unfortunate that it ended in the cruel way it had. The three of us had slowly formed an unpleasant, agitated, and unhealthy friendship triangle. None of us were emotionally mature enough, nor had any comprehension of the toxicity we were participating in to end gracefully for the greater good of all concerned. My final takeaway from this disappointing encounter is that a marriage, a relationship, is between two persons. Three is a crowd of monkeys.
