Smiling Through to the Other Side
My given last name is Lechelt; meaning “smiles” in German. My ex-married last name, Basta, meaning “enough” and could not have been more appropo for my EX-perpetrator. I had chosen to hyphenate it while married, Lechelt-Basta. You may wonder why I write about this? Well, crazy story…
After returning to my hometown via an international flight, as usual I needed to go through customs. However, for the first time in approximately 11 years of having this legal hyphenated-name on my passport, the customs agent had a difficult time with it in the computer system. “You may want to consider not hyphenating your name, it will be much easier for you,” the agent told me. My eyes instantly welled-up with tears as I was coming back from what was supposed to be a zen yoga retreat and what was supposed to have ended with a romantic extended weekend with my then husband. Traveling back home early, ALONE, after deciding to separate from him during the continuation of on-going crazy-making events (inc. a continuation of gaslighting and triangulation during the trip), I felt in that moment as if a ton of bricks had hit me at the same time secret-angels were singing to me “GET OUT, NOW!”.
I was a victim of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. I am now a thriving survivor, due to the amazing success team that continues to surround me and the on-going courageous personal hard work I choose to embrace. Although V/S no longer defines me, it is a part of my story and a contributor to the brave woman I have become and what I stand for today. For this, I am grateful. It has been an arderios journey of therapy, healing, grieving, support, finding gratitude and forgiveness in discovering my authentic happy-place, which I now live.
As a child, I was born into a beautiful family; perfect and smiling on the outside. So much so, that I was sent to my room if I was feeling upset as a small child and not allowed to come out unless I literally had a smile on my face. My family on the inside, dysfunctional and abusive. What our environment teaches us to believe is “normal”, safe and healthy is not necessarily true. Our beliefs and values may often be dictated, as was in my case. The love we knew and were shown, possibly toxic and unhealthy, may be the love we continue to repeat and choose later in our relationships. Including trauma bonding. Sometimes, if we are mindful and lucky, we can catch a “God-wink”.
I still love to travel internationally. However, now my journey also includes a re-learning of sorts after breaking away and healing from the familial-cycle that no longer serves MY beliefs, values and healthy choices. I may now carry my families name forward, on my terms, with a huge authentic SMILE.
